“A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.”
These words of George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, give voice to the purpose of my life.
That is not the sort of statement a person makes without serious reflection. It has taken me 30 years of introspection to reach the point where I can make such a declaration. In those 30 years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and about what really matters.
I’ve learned that sorting out our lives is a process. We spend our teen years answering the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” by talking about our imagined future careers. In our 20s, we meet the hard realities of those careers and have existential breakdowns about “where I should be by now.”
As I enter my 30s, I’ve realized the question we’ve wrestled with all along — what do you want to be? — isn’t about a career at all. Careers don’t define us. We are defined by something more. We are defined by the impression we leave on the people and places we encounter.
I know now that I want to improve the lives of those I meet. I want to better the world, not just occupy it. I want to leave a legacy. I want to put more in than I take out. I want to be a gentleman.
Of course, the status of “gentleman” was once only attainable by noble birth. That would certainly disqualify me from the moniker right at the start. Fortunately, the word has come to represent something more, something achievable, something honorable.
Today, a gentleman is, by the book, a man who treats other people in a proper and polite way. The definition also touches on the notions of chivalry and courtesy. But for me, “gentleman” in the modern context encompasses a broader concept.
I would like to explore that concept in this space. To that end, this is the first entry in a new column on Curiata.com about what it means to be a gentleman in the modern-day, global city we all inhabit.
Today, I introduce to you the “Modern Urban Gentleman.”
The Modern Urban Gentleman is a men’s lifestyle column that celebrates the qualities of 21st-century manliness. The modern urban gentleman understands that being a man takes more than anatomy: it takes cultivation. A gentleman of today is rooted in tradition, embraces the here and now, and leads the way boldly into the future. He is a complete man, inside and out, always striving to better himself in every way.
The modern urban gentleman makes and leaves an impression on everyone he meets. His fashion is classic with a contemporary twist. He is impeccably groomed and tastefully accessorized. He understands that the way he presents himself reflects the respect he has for himself and for those he entertains.
His aura of confidence is backed up when he opens his mouth to speak because he is well-read, engaged in the community and the world, and true to his word. He develops an interest in as many diverse areas as he can in order to provide stimulating conversation to each person he encounters. He learns and practices useful skills that improve the world around him, connect him with other people, and perpetuate our rich cultural history. He respects the earth and understands his instinctual connection to and dependence upon it. He is self-assured but always humble.
The modern urban gentleman is not restricted by location or by antiquated expectations of what it is to be a “man.” Instead, he is the one who defines his own identity. The modern urban gentleman is, at heart, a man on a journey of self-improvement.
Self-improvement is, by its nature, always aspirational, never attainable. It is littered with many failures and much perseverance. I fail in meeting the standards of the modern urban gentleman every day. But that’s the whole point of “improvement” — we can always be better.
I want to invite you to join me on my journey. I hope I can motivate you, and I expect writing to you will motivate me. My wish is that the Modern Urban Gentleman will provide a spark and prove a resource to create and support my fellow gentlemen.
Being a gentleman is a lost art. Maybe it is one that never really existed at all; nostalgia can be a tricky thing. But that’s no reason not to strive to be one today and every day.