polo

Leave golf shirts on links; true polos have style

With temperatures again hovering around freezing in these parts, it is hard to believe the Modern Urban Gentleman was able to comfortably wear polo shirts last weekend. While it may feel like a distant memory now, the opportunity will return next week as spring continues its long tease. In anticipation of the polo proliferation, let us take some time to highlight the keys to making the polo shirt an item worthy of a gentleman.

Despite their casualness, a polo shirt and pair of khakis have become the summer uniform of the office set. The gentleman, of course, should deploy the polo shirt appropriately in professional settings: on very hot days, when traveling, and not for important meetings. The short-sleeved knit top is fit, however, for regular weekend service.

The polo shirt has its roots in tennis, where the long sleeves of the traditional tennis shirt were a hindrance to smooth play. French player René Lacoste guided function into form by producing the first jersey petite piqué and wearing it during the 1926 U.S. Open championship. After retiring, Lacoste exported his shirts, complete with crocodile logo, around the world, where they were adopted by polo players and acquired the name we use today.

There is surprising variety within the spectrum of polo shirt options. As always, the gentleman chooses only the correct style for the situation. The mistake seen most commonly around the water cooler may be the misconception that a golf shirt is an acceptable substitute for a true polo. The golf shirt is immediately recognizable by its loose fit and slight sheen. Those traits are entirely acceptable on the links, where they provide free swings and heat exchange. But if the gentleman finds himself in a setting where he wouldn’t wear Payne Stewart’s pants, why would he think it OK to wear his shirt?

Too many men allow the fit of a golf shirt to bleed over when sizing a proper polo shirt as well. As a follower of this column might expect, the Modern Urban Gentleman endorses a tailored fit that does not leave excess material to gather at the belt line. The length of the shirt’s tails dictates whether it should be tucked in, so purchase longer shirts for work, shorter for play.

When shopping for a polo shirt that will enhance the wearer’s fashion rather than shlub it down, consider two small but critical details. The first is the style of the buttons and collar. The polo shirt usually has two or three buttons, and the top one should always be open. (On a three-button, open the second button when the end-of-workday whistle sounds.) The ideal collar will have some structure of its own instead of laying limp on the collarbone. The standing collar will pull the lapel into a powerful “V” shape, much like on an open-collar Oxford.

The second — and most transformative — detail to look for on a polo shirt is arm length. Compare this Sears-catalog ready look to the suave ladies’ man seen here. The entire package looks exponentially better if the polo’s sleeves stop mid-biceps. This principle also applies to T-shirts, for those of you who are alcoholic, California-based writers. Whether you have the arms of the the late, great Ultimate Warrior or spaghetti-limbed Michael Cera, you’ll enhance what you’re working with by following this simple rule. (Pastel-colored strips of cloth tied around your arms, however, are no longer in style.)

Like most menswear, polo shirts come in a variety of materials and designs. Steer clear of athletic, performance-wear threads more suited to the clay or greens. Heavier, textured knits, like those from Tommy Hilfiger, are great for the mild days of spring and fall. The warmer months call for lightweight — but still structured — material.

The design trend for the past couple of years has been toward block colors. The pieced cotton polo from J. Crew is a winning example. Let your personal style be your guide to color and pattern, but keep the cardinal rule of men’s fashion in mind: only one visually noisy piece per outfit — so if you opt for a multi-color polo, mute it with neutral khakis or denim.

One more rule: keep the polo logo small. Some designers get carried away with their corporate sponsorship of the everyday gentleman. The Modern Urban Gentleman’s favorite polo is entirely logo-less. In fact, the Banana Republic luxe-touch line is heartily endorsed by this column.

A final thought on polo shirts is this: they have a short shelf life. Anyone who has held onto a polo for two years or more knows that the collar slumps, the color fades, and the effect is lost. Luckily, even the good polos are affordable relative to some of the other investment pieces in a man’s closet. Don’t try to get blood from a stone; retire your polo at the end of its service.

Let us all rejoice that the weekends of outdoor cocktail parties and polo shirts are upon us. Just make sure you unwind in style.

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Season 7, Episode 1: ‘Time Zones,’ part 6

I hate Sally Draper. Every episode revolving around the girl is so painfully awkward. I suppose that is the point, however, and I’m sure that the final season will continue the trend. My best guess is that Sally will get pregnant from that weird boy who wanted Betty’s hair.

No matter how the show ends, it will never change the fact that Don Draper was the character we followed for seven years as the lead. I’ve always viewed it as Peggy’s show to some degree, especially as she was the character introduced as the audience stand-in in the first episode. Where her arc ends up is up is a mystery, and I definitely look forward to seeing it through.

Bert Cooper dying would have to happen fairly early in the season, as his death wouldn’t pack the same kind of punch as the death of Roger or Don. I could easily see the death of Roger Sterling and Sally’s impregnation finally making Don realize what he has to do to regain control of his life.

As far as Linda Cardellini is concerned, she is a beautiful lady, but she broke up Cory and Topanga, and I can never forgive her for that.

Will Megan die? One can only hope. Would that finally push Don over the edge and through a window? I’ve never believed them to be truly in love, but I also seriously doubt Don wants to end up with Betty again.

Don’s journey has been about the clash of his past and his present. At times, he seemed to live two lives, being Don Draper to some and Dick Whitman to others. It appears, however, as though he is coming to terms with himself as both Don and Dick: one man whose history is not something to be ashamed of, but something to learn from.

worst-person

Worst. Person. Ever. makes good on promise

Close your eyes and think of the worst person you know. I’m not talking serial-killer-sociopathic bad, just someone you actually know and would consider the worst person ever. I’m sure everyone has at least one person. Can you picture them? Whomever you thought of just now probably doesn’t even begin to come close to Raymond Gunt, the lead character of Douglas Coupland‘s latest novel, aptly titled Worst. Person. Ever.

Gunt is a cameraman hired by his ex-wife to work on a Survivor-like television show being filmed on the small island nation of Kiribati. Thus begins his odyssey from London to Kiribati, with many obstacles along the way, including layovers in the United States and a detour to nuke the Pacific Trash Vortex. Gunt’s traveling companion, Neal, is a homeless man he hired to be his personal assistant, or “slave,” while he is on the island.

Gunt is exactly as the title suggests and has absolutely no redeeming qualities. He’s selfish, rude, racist, sexist, jokes about bestiality and atrocity, and swears more than the characters in a Martin Scorcese film. He has little to no conscience and, despite living in a small, cramped apartment and working as a low-level cameraman, acts like he’s a gift to the universe. Even more, he has no idea how bad he really is — everybody else is the problem.

With Gunt narrating the book, the reader is given a first-hand account of his actions and his motivations, which just serves to make him appear even worse. But Gunt isn’t the only problem. Every character in this novel is rather despicable in their own way. Of course, this is assuming Gunt is a reliable narrator. Of the main characters in the novel, Neal is probably the only one who is remotely likable; his laid-back, hippie-esque attitude also creates the most amusement throughout their adventures.

Coupland’s novels are frequently innovative in style and visual presentation. In Worst. Person. Ever., Coupland uses informational boxes at the end of each chapter, and they degenerate from factual in the early chapters to subjective opinions near the end. These sidebars do contain interesting facts; I admit I did not know about the Pacific Trash Vortex until reading this novel, and even after seeing the sidebar, I had to research the topic on my own before I believed it.

It’s difficult to say what Coupland’s goal is in writing this novel. It appears to be a commentary on the excess of human consumption, with possible criticism of Americans thrown in. Coupland himself is Canadian, and the satire is so heavy at times that the reader is left to question whether it crosses the line into actual bad feelings.

Is this truly social commentary, or is it just a novel about a truly terrible person? Given Coupland’s previous works, it’s hard to say, but I lean toward this being an extremely biting commentary, the actual intent of which may be completely lost in the absurdity of the plot and the lack of any redeeming characters to root for.

Coupland has written some great novels, but with Worst. Person. Ever., I feel he misses the mark. It’s hard to look past the harshness and obscenity of his narrator. There were some amusing moments — and I may have even laughed out loud more than once — but I’m not sure the humor made up for the vileness of the characters. The book is a quick read, so even if by the end you haven’t enjoyed it, you haven’t wasted too much time of your time.

I haven’t read Coupland’s more famous Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, but I found The Gum Thief: A Novel much more enjoyable. If you’re a fan of Coupland and other writers of darker literature, such as Chuck Palahniuk and Bret Easton Ellis, you may enjoy this novel, especially if you don’t mind the lack of any likable characters. However, if you’ve never read Coupland or those of his ilk, I wouldn’t recommend starting with this novel.

Worst. Person. Ever. isn’t the worst book I’ve read, but it’s far from the best.

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Season 7, Episode 1: ‘Time Zones,’ part 5

Fantastic points, Mike and Kevin!

What an interesting theory that the show will ultimately be Sally Draper’s. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Sad. Angry. Possibly lied to? I need to swirl this around a little bit. Although I’m not ready to concede that Don was, is, and shall forever be the center of the show. Yes, it took a few minutes for him to physically show up in the season premiere, but remember, he was operating Freddy Rumsen like a marionette in that opening scene, so in essence, Don was with us.

I think we could get a better sense of this theory once we finally meet Season 7 Sally. I am very curious, and hopeful that it will happen in the next episode. As it seems to go in the last few seasons (although I haven’t re-watched all lately), it seems to take a few episodes for Betty and the kids (and Francis) to show up. I find this curious as I’m every bit as interested in the Draper kids as I am the people who populate SC&P. Of course, we could all be wrong and the show will belong to Baby Gene.

I had forgotten about the Megan-being-killed-off theories. Thanks for the reminder. There is always a fear/thought that main characters will be killed, but to me it never felt like Mad Men’s m.o. However, that was before the painful and untimely Season 5 death of Lane Pryce, a man of basic moral integrity who made a series of small mistakes and paid the ultimate price. Bert Cooper seems a fit for the next death, both as the oldest character in the story and as a partner in the firm, ripe for replacement. But I’m not sold yet.

Amid Don’s continuing swim upstream and Cooper’s natural aging, we have Roger. For me, his current tailspin is every bit as dangerous and damaging as the one being experienced by Don. Roger is losing his grip on his needy, passive-aggressive daughter, losing his grip on his illegitimate son with Joan (although this remains to be played out), and seemingly losing grip on his place in the world. Was there a scene in the first episode more depressing that Roger, dejected and drunk after a brunch with his daughter, stumbling into bed with two strangers? I wouldn’t rule out Roger’s demise as these finals episodes play out.

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Season 7, Episode 1: ‘Time Zones,’ part 4

Kevin, I don’t know what twisted reality you live in where Linda Cardellini is preferable to Jessica Paré, but to each his own, I suppose. That point aside, I think you’re spot-on about addiction driving this show. And what is addiction other than a chemical need for self-validation? We find ourselves addicted to things that — at least at the start — make us feel good, smart, strong, powerful. Don has sought that feeling from liquor and women but always comes out feeling hollow. One addiction, though, leaves him fulfilled.

That’s why, Gabe, I don’t think Don’s goal is to get back into SC&P. Instead, he needs the work. I think being good at ad pitches is the only thing that has ever kept him centered and happy with himself. If he couldn’t keep doing that while on leave, he’d literally have nothing to live for. I also don’t know if Don was drunk in the last scene of the episode — just out in the cold. He was unable to shut out the unhappiness, so he just sat right in it and wallowed. In fact, Freddy was the only thing Don had control over this week. A moving sidewalk carried him, Graduate-like, through LAX. He rode in the passenger seat while Megan drove him around L.A. Then, he was back in someone else’s hands aboard an airplane, Manhattan-bound.

I agree with Kevin’s assessment that someone will die this season. I’m almost certain we’ll see the demise of Bert Cooper, but there must be something more shocking. There’s a growing sentiment in corners similar to this one around the Internet that the bull’s-eye is squarely on Megan. Last season, Megan wore a T-shirt famously connected with Sharon Tate — you know, the famous actress who lived in the canyon outside Los Angeles, where she was murdered by the Manson Family after having a final meal at El Coyote Cafe. The references are a bit heavy-handed, but things are not looking good for the third Mrs. Draper.

I’ve read some analysis of how Mad Men is shifting its focus from one generation to the next — it’s no longer about the Boomers’ parents, but about the Boomers themselves. The first episode is not quite evidence of that — we’re missing Sally and anyone else under age 25 — but the 1970’s are clearly on the horizon. The Mad Men universe is shifting into the timeframe in which the primary demographic of AMC viewers remembers as their formative years. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the series retroactively framed not as Don’s story — not even as Peggy’s story — but as Sally’s story (for perspective, Sally would turn 60 this month). It took eight minutes to bring Don into the story in the season premiere, and I think his fade into the background will continue.

horsemen

Apocalypse later: End time prophesies, countdowns

Human religions seem a little obsessed with the idea of a final, conclusive tallying of moral debts and credits. Christians in particular tend to demonstrate a bit of perverse, preemptive schadenfreude over the idea that, when the trumpets sound, some folk (i.e. people we disagree with) are going to the not-happy place, while we, the good ones, are going to have fun in the sun for all eternity. Of course, Christians don’t want sinners to suffer forever, but hey, we can only do so much, right? “So much,” in this case, typically being either handing out vilifying, out-of-touch tracts … or nothing at all. But y’know. Only so much.

The end of the world isn’t just a religious obsession, however. Zombies and nuclear holocausts and plagues have all taken numerous turns in our media. If you’re reading this, you probably live in a relatively safe society (i.e. laws keep bigger people from killing the smaller ones and taking our stuff), even though humans are primed by evolution to use physical force to survive (i.e. kill people and take their stuff); apocalyptic scenarios, no matter how unlikely in reality, are a constant undercurrent in our subconscious awareness. We like to hear stories about desperation and survival in the face of severe adversity, because we want to train ourselves via social learning to survive in those conditions if necessary.

So let’s talk about eschatology for a few minutes. Eschatology (Greek eschatos, “last, furthest, extreme”; logos, “word, being”), literally “word of the end,” refers to the study of the end times as a phenomenon, usually in relation to the biblical book of Revelation (to reveal is to “un-veal,” or unveil), so named on account of the prophecy being revealed to John (a disciple of Jesus and the book’s alleged writer) by an angel on the island of Patmos.

The word revelation is where we get apocalypse (Greek apo, “from”; kalyptein, “cover, conceal”). In the Middle Ages, the word apocalypse was used frequently, not as a catchall for the end times, but with its literal meaning, to discover the truth of something.

Finally, the word Armageddon, which is another of those that is often used in the context of end times, refers to the Palestinian mountain of Megiddo (Har means “mountain,” Megiddo, incidentally, means “place of crowds”), which was specifically mentioned as the site of the final battle in the book of Revelation.

All caught up? Good. Let’s look at what the end of the world is like in Christian, Hindu, and Mayan mythos.

Judgment Day

There are several ways religious scholars and lay folk have interpreted the book of Revelation. The most common (as displayed in Tim LeHaye’s unsubtle Left Behind book series) is to assume that the events discussed have yet to occur. It makes sense if you’re trying to interpret the book more or less literally, as it refers to the sun burning up a third of the Earth, dragons roaming about, and the resuscitation of all the dead martyrs. I’m confident in saying that most of that stuff has not, as of yet, happened. Anyway, this interpretation sees the events of the book, even if symbolic, eventually coming to pass. There will be an Antichrist (virtually every major political figure in the Western World has been called thus by some crackpot at one time or another). There will be rapture (good Christian folk zapped up to heaven before bad stuff starts happening). There will be tribulation (wormwood and locusts and the four horsemen). Everyone fights, nobody quits.

Another interpretation is the preterist version, which sees the book as commenting on or foretelling the fall of Jerusalem, which actually occurred circa A.D. 100, when the temple was destroyed and desecrated. Like much of the contemporary apocalyptic literature (none of which made it into the Bible), major use of allegory and metaphor was used to hide the message, so as to avoid unwanted scrutiny by those people the passages were condemning. Think Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. In this interpretation, the long-haired locusts were the barbarian Huns, the whore of Babylon was Rome, and the beast slouching toward Bethlehem was Roman Emperor Nero, who was famous for throwing Christians to the lions whenever he found them.

A third interpretation mostly focuses on a “broad strokes” view of the book, in which God’s people, who find themselves neck deep in troubles, eventually end up pulling through and overcoming adversity. This interpretation sees the book as a metaphor for hope amid times of trial, rather than an account of real events, past or present.

Kali Yuga

Aside from the fact that every Hindu god is an aspect of another god, or has multiple personae, names, and avatars, there are two Kalis, just to add to the confusion. One of them is Shiva’s consort, a bloody warrior woman frequently depicted with sword in one hand and severed head in the other. Her name means “the black one,” from the Sanskrit root kalah, because she existed before there was light. The one they’re talking about in Kali Yuga, however, is a demon who has nothing to do with that other one. Our Kali’s name comes from kad, which means “suffer, grieve, hurt.” He’s basically a bully.

There are four ages (Yuga) in the Hindu mythic chronology, and Kali Yuga is the last one. The bad news is it’s by far the shortest. In fact, it only lasts 1/10,000th of a Brahma day, and it started in about 3100 B.C., at the Kurukshetra War, the one between the Kaurava and Pandava that I talked about in an earlier article. The good news is that 1/10,000th of a Brahma day is still 432,000 of our years, so we’ve got some time yet. Kali Yuga is the age of meanness and pettiness, when people are impolite, greedy, and murderous. Yep, sounds about right. When it’s over, the cycle will start over again with the first of the four ages, where everybody is righteous and wise.

The long count

The Mayans loved their calendars. They were the most accurate calendars ever created, by some accounts, and the culture was so invested in them that they named their children after the day they were born, with names like “Two Monkey” and “Four Death.” They used a method called the calendar round, in which the calendar didn’t reset every year, but rather every 52 years, meaning they didn’t need leap days, or leap seconds, or whatever. Things just rounded out, and the cycle lasted a normal human lifespan. When they needed a longer way to keep track of dates, they used a method called the long count.

So nearing the end of 2012, there was a big to-do about the Mayan calendar ending. Apocalypse! But no, it turns out this was just a misinterpretation of the long count. You see, one day on that calendar is a k’in. Twenty of those is a winal. Eighteen winals is a tun (about one solar year). Twenty tuns is a k’atun. Twenty k’atuns is a b’ak’tun (we’re up to 400 years). December 21, 2012, was simply switching over to the 13th b’ak’tun on the long count calendar. Nothing more, nothing less. No apocalypse. And, you know, there wasn’t one, so it bears out.

So whether the world ends tomorrow, 400,000 years from now, or it’s already happened and we don’t realize it, here’s hoping that we don’t all get eaten by giant, man-faced locusts.

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Season 7, Episode 1: ‘Time Zones,’ part 3

Addiction. Addiction plays a major role in Mad Men. Whether it’s the addiction to cigarettes shared by almost every character in the show, or a less traditionally recognized type of addiction, like Don’s to sex. Season 7 looks like it will be building upon this theme and finally expanding it to its logical conclusion.

Don is near rock bottom due to his alcoholism and egotism. The last season saw Don reach a strange new point in his life in which he’s finally coming to terms with his past. This is important as part of the addiction theme because his perpetual lying to keep up the Don Draper character appears to be another type of addiction. Once he started lying, he just couldn’t stop, especially after it earned him a powerful career. Interestingly, season 6 ended with Don apparently conquering his addiction to falsehoods as he finally showed his children the home in which he grew up, only a few episodes after a touching moment in which he finally realizes how much he loves his son.

Don again seems to be past his addiction to women that drove so much of the plot for six years. After marrying Megan, Don stayed faithful for a good length of time before falling off the wagon with the girl from Freaks and Geeks. I can’t say I blame him. But Don’s choice to forego the easy hookup speaks to his new development as a character. While his alcoholism is still prevalent, it’s clear that Don is trying to change and trying to become better. Will he succeed in time? Or is the suicide in the opening video ominous foreshadowing?

The most interesting development in the episode is the realization that Don is feeding ideas to Freddy Rumsen in order to keep working in secret. This is interesting because it’s never made clear that Don actually loves his job. It’s always assumed that he loves the money, the lifestyle, and the adulation. But his actions in this episode imply that perhaps Don’s work is another addiction, one that will likely bring him down in the end when it is taken away from him.

The rest of the cast appears to be at different points in their addiction cycles as well. Peggy and Pete seem to be on opposite ends of their quests for power. Pete seems finally to be happy, though that could be just a façade, while Peggy is dealing with another man standing in her way in a position that she certainly believes should be hers. Roger Sterling is caught up in perhaps the most obvious addictions, as he is likely doing drugs while partaking in nightly orgies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The remainder of the show looks like it will be built on the characters’ vices and if they can be conquered, or if the vices will inevitably conquer them. I can say with near certitude, however, that someone won’t make it out of this season alive.

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Season 7, Episode 1: ‘Time Zones,’ part 2

Oh Freddy. What a return! The man spends the first few minutes of Mad Men’s seventh season pitching the hell out of a watch commercial. He’s clear, concise, and delivers maybe the best pitch of his career. We’re now a little more familiar with a clean and concise Freddy — he quit the bottle years ago after that unfortunate pants-soiling incident. But it was the “best pitch of his career” thing that really threw us for a jolt last night.

Of course, by episode’s end we get the truth: Don Draper, on indefinite leave from SC&P, has been feeding Freddy ideas all over town. Even as he battle his bi-coastal demons, Don shows he’s still the best in the business. But after the first episode of the year, one is left to wonder the end game: how exactly does boosting Freddy’s profile get Don back into SC&P? Is that even his goal?

This was the kind of season premiere that Mad Men does really well. Not all the players are on the field, but all of the important ones are in the mix, and we quickly get a sense that not much has changed in the two months since Don was asked to take a break. We got our time stamp on the episode — Richard Nixon’s January 20, 1969, inauguration — and I still am unsure we’ll ever to see Don in the 1970s.

As we get close to the end (and mid-2015 won’t feel close by the time we get there), the most pressing question, of course, is what will happen to Don Draper. Like one of TV’s other recent great characters, Rust Cohle from True Detective, I’m not convinced Don has the constitution for suicide. We’ve seen the falling man in the opening credits for years now, but that has always struck me as more a symbolic fall than a literal one. And it’s safe to say Don has made that symbolic fall many times over the years and is likely in the middle of his latest, deepest free fall. As he walked onto the balcony in the last scene, Don looked as low as we’ve ever seen him — drunk, defeated, alone.

I sense that’s a theme we’ll see highlighted in the first several episodes, but I expect some kind of resurgence for Mr. Draper. The last episode of season 6 included a lot of honesty from Don: the post-pitch childhood story he told the Hershey execs; the family trip to that dilapidated whorehouse where he grew up. I think there’s still morality somewhere buried deep in Don even if he wonders aloud in the airplane if he’s broken. Surely, but not necessarily irrevocably.

A scene that struck me last night was when Don was on the red-eye back to New York. He passes up what is sure to be a successful rendezvous with a beautiful stranger (looking at you, Neve Campbell), and as soon as he verbally ditches her and things get awkward, he opens the airplane’s window blind and sees the light — blinding sunlight announcing a new day, perhaps?

It was nice to catch up with Pete in Los Angeles (nice pants!), Roger in the midst of a (drug-fueled?) binge of sexual awakening and parental turmoil, and Megan, who seems as successful and completely discontent as we’ve ever seen her. It’s great to see Joan being assertive and trying to clean up others’ messes, but I’m hoping we get to see some genuine advancement for her character this year. After all of these years serving others and sacrificing so much, Joan deserves to be rewarded with a full-time ad job at the firm — or an initial on the logo even?

And what of Peggy Olson. She’s struggling to figure out Lou, Don’s dreary replacement at SC&P, as well as how to be a slumlord. Her breakdown at the end of the episode was powerful: a woman who is so tired of getting the short end of the stick. I also expect that Peggy turns a corner here. My theory has always been that the show will end with Don working for Peggy; with everyone working for Peggy. The first episode of this season implies that she has a long way to go, but something tells me she’ll get there.

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Season 7, Episode 1: ‘Time Zones,’ part 1

As Mad Men enters the first half of its seventh and final season, a panel of viewers here at Curiata.com will engage in a roundtable discussion following each episode. Check back throughout the week for new entries in the series.

I caught up on the first six seasons of Mad Men over the last year, so this was the first episode I’ve ever watched along with the rest of the world. It’s exciting to finally be on the same page and not have to avoid spoilers. I settled in last night with a glass of Don’s drink of choice, Canadian Club, and realized what a terrible judge of whiskey he is.

It was great to see Freddy Rumsen again. That opening scene was intense, and the implication that he was speaking directly to us, the viewers, about something bigger than the Accutron watch was obvious. It’s also not a coincidence that the writers used a recovering alcoholic to be Don’s mole in the agency. Don’s own alcoholism has always been a simmering issue, but it came to the surface last season and is laid out as the central struggle of this one.

Viewers seem primed to anticipate one of two endgames for Don: he quits the bottle and returns to to form at the top of the advertising game, or he plunges to his death from his penthouse suite or the corner office of SC&P. I think Mad Men has built its reputation on too much subtlety to go either of those routes. I expect Don will enjoy a few sober weeks before crashing harder than he ever has before.

Don’s end will not be miraculous or suddenly tragic. Instead, he will fade into oblivion, the way we all will, as the world moves past him. I expect Peggy’s breakdown at the end of last night’s episode will come to be seen as the point at which she turned ruthless. She’ll find a way to get rid of that new guy (Lou?) before the end of our first set of seven episodes, and 2015 will bring the final showdown, when she seizes creative control of the agency and pushes Don into the role Roger has played for so long.

It was disappointing not to get any of sassy Sally last night, but we also have joint custody of the kids and can only see them in half the episodes. I expect another Don and Betty backslide this season, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see them end up in an uneasy, sunset years resigned-to-fate relationship as the lights finally dim next year.

I’m interested to see what you all thought of last night’s show and where we’re headed for the remaining 13 hours of the series. One final thought: will Megan or any of Roger’s dalliances ever grow nipples?

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No, Founding Fathers wouldn’t agree with you

Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Socialist. Political pundits of all philosophies like to argue they are on the side of the Founding Fathers of the United States. This idea, no matter the purveyor’s political persuasion, is a myth.

The Founding Fathers were not a monolith. They were a collection of incredible — but flawed — men of varying degrees of intellect and a wide range of philosophical, theological, and political beliefs. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson rarely agreed. Alexander Hamilton and John Adams were of the same political party and could almost never get along. Benjamin Franklin’s views of the world contrasted sharply with those of the Founding Fathers from Virginia. These men were people with opinions as wide-ranging as our own.

Saying you agree with the Founding Fathers is bold, since even deciding who counts as a Founder can be difficult. For the sake of our discussion, the Founding Fathers will be defined as the men who helped to spark the American Revolution and worked to establish the new government formed in 1787. This includes the men who argued against the Declaration of Independence, like John Dickinson, and who opposed the Constitution, such as Patrick Henry. In my view, the Founding Generation ended with the deaths of Adams and Jefferson on July 4, 1826, only a year after the conclusion of the presidency of the last Founding Father, James Monroe, and 50 years after the date of Independence.

Using this formula, we see that there are 60 years’ worth of leaders included in the Founding Generation. These were men who identified with 13 different colonies, were born across the span of the 18th century, and had very different stories that defined who they were.

Washington, Jefferson, Henry, James Madison, and others were born into the Virginia planter aristocracy. These bastions of liberty were actually men of almost noble birth who expected men of the underclass to defer to their judgement. This view caused some strong personality clashes when Washington led the Continental Army, which was full of Massachusetts men, who were raised in a world of comparable equality and were filled with the “leveling spirit.”

These Tidewater gentlemen evolved over time, especially through the Revolution and the Washington administration, but much of their Virginia breeding was hard to shake. Jefferson, despite being the strongest advocate for the people among the planter class, was still a slave owner after all.

Even during the time of the Revolution, “democracy” was a dirty word and shorthand for what could go wrong without proper leadership. Madison, the so-called “Father of the Constitution,” feared that unfettered democracy would create anarchy. He argued for a grand republic, full of conflicting interests, that would force compromise since a majority would never be attainable.

Adams, who spent his presidency opposing Madison’s new political party, shared a similar view about democracy. He was perhaps the best representative of the Bostonian view of America, which was opposed at the same time to aristocracy and the rabble. It was Adams who pushed heavily for a government of checks and balances to thwart the power of the minority or the majority to oppress their natural opponents.

Adams was perhaps the most devoutly religious Founding Father. Despite this, he is often associated with the Treaty of Tripoli, which he signed in 1797, that stated his belief that the United States was not founded on the Christian religion. Yet Adams was a strong Christian. Other founders were Deists, meaning they believed in a god, but also that this god was not a part of everyday human affairs. Thomas Paine was perhaps Deism’s strongest advocate, but the philosophy also heavily influenced Jefferson and Franklin.

Paine and Jefferson often found themselves in agreement, but Adams and Franklin certainly did not. While there was a strong respect between them, the two personalities clashed greatly when they were together in Europe to negotiate deals for the former colonies. The two giants of the American Revolution were just too different.

Franklin was a unique animal in world history. Historian H. W. Brands has dubbed Franklin the First American; he lived a life that is much more familiar to the modern American. Unlike the Virginia planters, Franklin was not born into privilege, but into the strict, Puritanical society of Boston. Being raised in the Calvinist tradition, Franklin maintained a strong sense of morality in terms of the treatment of others, but harbored a rebellious opinion against entrenched power, whether it be the Penn family, established churches, or, eventually, the British government.

But Franklin did not always oppose the Brits and is a perfect example of how Revolutionary leaders were actually fairly conservative compared to later revolutionaries, like the French. Franklin was, for most of his life, an advocate for a stronger British Empire. He believed that a king and a populist government were not mutually exclusive. Franklin only accepted independence when all other options seemed hopeless. Certainly, this is hard for modern Americans to understand, which is true of many aspects of the Founding Fathers due to the intervention of some 250 years.

Indeed, it is impossible to define the philosophies of the Founding Generation using modern terminology. Alexander Hamilton, who was considered a conservative at the time, supported a strong federal government, advocated for a controlling monetary policy, and pushed his financial system as a way to spawn economic growth for the young nation. Jefferson, considered a liberal, favored an agrarian society of small farmers, free of government intervention wherever possible, and argued that the Constitution granted the federal government almost no powers whatsoever. Yet, on the opposite side of the same coin, Hamilton was considered too pro-business and literally lived on Wall Street, while Jefferson hated big business and supported the struggle of the so-called average man. If you define yourself on either side of the Democrat/Republican divide, you would find it impossible to agree with either Jefferson or Hamilton completely.

Jefferson and Hamilton led the first opposing political parties in American history. It was their philosophies that created the disputing views we hold of the bedrock of our government, the U.S. Constitution. We hold the Constitution to be a sacred document, as though it is the perfect creation of a divine being. Many judges and Supreme Court justices believe that the Founders had an original intent for each word of the document; therefore, the Constitution is a rigid document with specific rules, rather than the vague, evolving document that liberal justices see.

But there can be no “original intent” as there were so many originators of the document. No part of the Constitution can be attributed to a single brain. The Founders were of very different minds with regards to the government they wished to create and run. Henry and Samuel Adams outright refused to be involved with the Constitution-making process. They favored the Articles of Confederation, which held the government together from the time of the Revolutionary War.

The Constitutional Convention, which took place in Philadelphia in 1787, brought together a large group of diverse men with different goals. Some wanted only to adjust the Articles. Others wanted to start from scratch. Madison offered the Virginia Plan, a proposal for a bicameral legislature with a House and a Senate given representation proportionate to population. Others pushed for the New Jersey Plan, which gave representation by state, meaning small states and large states would have equal power in the federal government. Hamilton pushed for an elected monarch-for-life. Every side of this argument combined to give us the mixed Congressional system, balanced by a strong executive, that we have today.

And when the Constitution was completed, almost no one was completely satisfied. So when you say you are “pro-Constitution, like the Founders,” remember that some of them weren’t even in favor of creating the Constitution.

Hamilton and Madison did more than anyone to define what the Constitution would accomplish through their collaboration on the Federalist Papers. Yet for years afterward, these two titans argued with each other over the meaning of the ratified document. How is it that the two men who are arguably most responsible for our Constitution and the way it has been interpreted couldn’t even agree on it, yet men like Justice Antonin Scalia claim to know the original intent of the document?

Our Constitution was created as a compromise and we should govern in that spirit, not claim to know the exact meaning of the text, trampling over others who disagree. The Constitutional arguments we have today have been around since 1787 and were themselves extensions of debates that have raged for centuries about the role of government in general.

If the Founders were alive today, Washington, Franklin, Hamilton, Jefferson, Madison, and the Adams cousins would not be able to agree on how to define a pizza, let alone what toppings to put on it. That’s not to say we shouldn’t look to these iconic men for inspiration and guidance. The Revolution and the government they created are magnificent works of human endeavor and compromise. We cannot, however, be bound by their words to a point of paralysis.

And we cannot accept the idea that the Founding Fathers as a whole would agree or disagree with a certain viewpoint. They were men of their times, bound by context and situation. We can say that Jefferson would be a libertarian, Hamilton a neoconservative, Franklin a Democrat, but would those definitions be fair to the complex men we exalt? Absolutely not.

These men (and let’s not forget the contributions of Abigail Adams) spent their lives reading, writing, studying, and thinking, and came to very different conclusions about what America could and should be. We should be inspired by that spirit and begin our own journeys of philosophical discovery to determine what works best for our time and our problems. Otherwise, our minds will continue to live in a generational tyranny, blindly following the precedents set by men who have been gone for 200 years and have no sense of our world. Follow their examples, learn from their wisdom, but don’t be constrained by their works.