“Everything’s got to end sometime; otherwise nothing would ever get started.”
“We’re all just stories in the end.”
— The Doctor
In the spring of 2008, I finally took a coworker’s advice and began watching episodes of a British science fiction series some readers may have heard of called Doctor Who. I started from the beginning of the 2005 relaunch, which ended a 16-year drought of regular Doctor Who programming. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and once I started watching the show, I didn’t understand how you could base a show around a single character, let the audience grow attached to that character, then change him just like that, as the show had done eight times already.
It didn’t take long for me to be completely hooked on the adventures of the Ninth Doctor and his companion, Rose. I would come home from work at 11 p.m. or later and not be able to go to sleep until I had watched at least one, most likely two, episodes. Christopher Eccleston was fantastic, and even though I knew he would only be in the first series (as those wacky Brits call “seasons”), I loved his portrayal of the Doctor and didn’t want to see him go. I was in tears by the end of the finale, “The Parting of the Ways.”
I had heard that Eccleston’s successor, David Tennant (whom I hadn’t yet connected to Harry Potter), was even more brilliant, but I didn’t see how that was possible. Tennant won me over by the end of “The Christmas Invasion,” the annual Christmas special (those Brits again) that served as the Tenth Doctor’s premiere. Once series 2 got underway with “New Earth,” I knew he would be my Doctor. It seemed as though he was born to play this role; he made being the Doctor seem so natural and effortless.
During Tennant’s time as the Doctor, we saw many companions come and go; losing Rose and Donna were the hardest for me. I had finally caught up to the American viewings on the Sci-Fi Channel (before its ridiculous name change) and was able to watch the series 4 finale with the rest of the United States (at least, with those who hadn’t downloaded and watched it already).
And then came the confirmation of news I thought I never wanted to hear: Tennant was leaving Doctor Who. First, I was in denial; then, I was heartbroken. He was my Doctor. He couldn’t leave. I couldn’t say goodbye.
I held off watching both parts of “The End of Time” for several weeks because I just wasn’t ready to accept that, by the end, the Tenth Doctor would be gone. And when I finally did watch, the Doctor’s farewell tour was just as difficult as I had imagined. His final words, “I don’t want to go,” echoed what a lot of fans were feeling in that moment.
And then suddenly, in a burst of light, he was gone; replaced by this strange, gangly guy who didn’t look nearly old enough to be the Doctor.
I loved Tennant so much in the role that I thought I would never be able to warm up to Matt Smith, but I’ve learned that there’s this funny thing that happens when you’re a fan of Doctor Who and a Doctor you love regenerates. In the beginning, there’s this feeling of trepidation and concern that the new actor won’t be up to performing the role as well as those who have gone before. You were so enamored with the previous Doctor that you really don’t want to see him go. Then, suddenly, one day you realize the Doctor hasn’t changed at all — at least not really. While his face is different and some aspects of his personality may seem new, he is still, deep down, the same Doctor he always has been. You really do love the new Doctor just as much as the old.
Smith kind of snuck up on me. It took me a little longer to warm to him than it did with Tennant (nearly two years longer), and I don’t even know when it was that I really started to love him. I just remember watching a repeat of Smith’s first Christmas special, “A Christmas Carol,” before his second, “The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe,” aired and realizing that he really was an excellent Doctor. Tennant would always be my Doctor, but Smith now held a special place in my heart as well.
Even before I realized how much I loved his Doctor, Smith continually impressed me with how well he was able to capture the age of the Doctor; despite being the youngest actor to play the role, he really made you believe he was the oldest. He brought a lot of energy and charm to the role as well as a lot of depth and emotion. He introduced us to the Girl Who Waited, the Last Centurion, and the Impossible Girl — and let’s not forget Craig and Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All. He fought the Silence, Daleks, Cybermen, Weeping Angels, and so many more. He married River Song and saved her parents’ marriage. And he won over millions of fans every step of the way.
And now he’s gone.
Sure, he technically left back at Christmas, when we witnessed the Eleventh Doctor‘s regeneration into the Twelfth Doctor. But it didn’t seem real at that point. It would be months until I actually had to watch the new Doctor, so I could pretend for just a little while longer that Eleven was still having adventures with Clara in the TARDIS. However, when series 8 premieres in just over 48 hours, that delusion will be over, and I really will have to accept that Smith is no longer the Doctor.
The hardest part of being a fan of Doctor Who is knowing you will be saying goodbye to actors you love over and over again. But at the same time, this is also a unique and wonderful aspect of the show. While it’s heartbreaking to think that soon I’ll be watching a completely new Doctor, it’ll be exciting to see what Peter Capaldi brings to the role and in what ways he is different-from-yet-the-same-as the old Doctor.
As much as I hated seeing Smith go, I’m really looking forward to meeting Capaldi’s Doctor. I’m not quite as apprehensive as I was in the past; I think I’ve finally accepted that this is how the show works: a never-ending cycle of meeting new characters, accepting them, and loving them, then having to say goodbye. And it really does work; if any other show tried to completely reinvent itself every few years, it would fall apart, but Doctor Who has sustained the practice for more than 50 years.
On top of meeting a new Doctor as the next chapter opens Saturday, we’ll also be starting the process of saying goodbye to his current companion, Clara, as rumors began circulating earlier this week that the 2014 Christmas special will likely be her last episode. Saying goodbye is always hard, but we get to meet new people and the story continues, it doesn’t have to end just because one person’s time in the TARDIS is over.
I, for one, can’t wait to see how the journey continues Saturday night.