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Train like a hunter: Original Supernatural workout

With our handsome Winchester brothers, Sam and Dean, returning for the 10th season of Supernatural beginning last night, binge watching the first nine seasons of the monster-killing brothers jumped fairly high on my list of priorities. However, this impulse comes with a downside: sitting for hours makes me feel lazy. And when I don’t accomplish anything, I start beating myself up … then I feel sad, so then I binge watch … and around and around I go.

And as I was sitting there watching Dean Winchester in his tight, bright-red gym teacher shorts, I had an idea — and no, it’s not that kind of idea (well, that idea, too). Why not kick some ass while watching the Winchesters kick some ass? I mean, let’s give my fellow Supernatural fans a reason to move instead of just sitting there, letting Sloth take over their lives. (Although, the Winchesters did take him out, so we should be safe.) So I reflected on the moments that have led the brothers to where they are now and picked out some of the most repeated actions, phrases, and themes and decided to put exercises to them. I wanted to do a body weight workout so that I wouldn’t have to go through finding weights and equipment. Plus, then you can do the workout anytime you have access to Netflix and enough space to move. Without further adieu, here is the Supernatural workout (easily adaptable into a drinking game, if you’re so inclined):

supernatural-workout

While I may not be able to fight monsters and evil every day to stay in shape, I can find my own way to build some muscle and tone while watching the boys take on the real bad guys. When I did my trial run of one episode, “Everybody Loves a Clown,” from season 2, I immediately regretted my decision. Not because the workout was a flop, but because I could hardly move when the episode was over. My legs and arms burning, and I chugged 4 bottles of water. Then I turned to my screen and said, “Let’s do this.” (To no one in particular, really, because I frequently motivate myself out loud. Yes, it’s normal. No judging.)

The workout was worth every second of agony, though — much like the show itself. (ALL THE FEELS!) It was taxing and left me winded, but I just kept reminding myself that the Winchesters aren’t in fangirl-ogling form because they sit on a sofa watching TV all day. They’re killing monsters and fighting to make sure they stay alive and help people. And if that isn’t enough motivation, then there’s always the chance that being incredibly fit will impress Jared and Jensen enough to look your way if they end up single at some point in the future.

Enjoy!

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Supernatural returns for a 10th year: The road so far

“… saving people, hunting things. The family business.”

Looking back on nine seasons of Sam and Dean Winchester’s bad-assery and trying to sum up everything the boys have been through on Supernatural is daunting. The fresh-faced youths from season 1 grew into the hardened men who have died (many times each), bled, and lost much in order to save lives over and over again. And, of course, there’s also the fact that Sam’s hair gets longer with each season. (Seriously, did he stop believing in getting a haircut?) But with the 10th (and final?) season premiering on The CW in just a few hours, I need to look back on the series I’ve loved, even as it dashed salt and lighter fluid on my soul and threw a Zippo on top of it.

Spoilers ahead!

Something that I’ve loved throughout the series, in addition to the brotherly moments and bad-assery, has been that the series builds on itself. Of course, there’s also the gorgeous lead actors, impressive acting, comedic timing, and emotional connection to the characters. And we can’t forget “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Kansas! Every time I hear that song now, I’m filled with dread, because my fellow Supernatural fans and I know that nothing good comes from hearing it.

The “Then/Now” and “The Road So Far” beginnings of each episode give us a glimpse at a moment from the boys’ past that will play a part in the forthcoming days. We’ve been shown monsters and demons they’ve encountered, as well as some dear friends, and we then get to see how they play a part in this new episode. Unfortunately, most of the friends the Winchesters have had are dead (R.I.P. Bobby, Jo, Ellen, and Ash) — except for Sheriff Jody Mills! you go girl! — and the road the boys have traveled has gotten stranger, with higher stakes every day.

Supernatural was originally written as a five-season show, and everything in those first five years built up to the fifth season finale, “Swan Song.” Looking at those first five seasons, the boys faced multitudes of demons and avenged their mother’s and father’s deaths by defeating the Yellow-Eyed Demon, Azazel, who had broken into their home when Sam was a baby and fed Sam demon blood. In their hunt for Azazel for the next two decades, the Winchesters grew into the most formidable and dangerous hunters among the demon-fighting ranks, all according to the big plan of the supernatural world.

Sam was among the children chosen specifically by Azazel to fight it out in a battle to the death that would determine who was worthy of leading the demon army that would pour out of the Devil’s Gate that Azazel opened. Azazel said Sam was always his favorite because of his leadership and experience as a hunter and that the demon blood Azazel fed him was a gift, making Sam stronger than he would have been without it.

In season 2, all hell breaks loose. Sam dies in the destined fight with Azazel, and Dean makes a deal with a Crossroad Demon to bring his brother back: Sam will be restored to life, but Dean will only have one year to live. Dean then kills Azazel with the mystical Colt revolver, but not before the Yellow-Eyed Demon opens Hell’s Gate and releases scores of demons, many that are much more deadly than what the boys had ever faced.

In season 3, the boys are charged with tracking down all the demons that were set free, as well as fighting the Seven Deadly Sins and a Santa Claus who kills people, all while trying to find a way to save Dean’s soul from an eternity in hell. The boys also begin hiding things from each other and lying instead of talking to each other — which gives them so many problems for the remaining seasons that you just want to punch those perfect faces over and over again until they stop being douchebags to each other. They team up with a demon named Ruby, who seems to be fighting on the good side against a more powerful demon, Lilith, who usually chooses to possess little girls, which makes her 1,000 times creepier.

Also in season 3, we see more of The Trickster. He lures the boys to “The Mystery Spot,” where it’s perpetually Tuesday, in order to teach Sam a lesson by killing Dean over and over again; it’s a kind of demented Groundhog Day in which, no matter how hard Sam tries, he will never be able to save Dean. And The Trickster’s lesson proves true. Lilith catches up with the boys, takes over Ruby’s body, and sends her Hellhounds after Dean, who dies, and his soul is transported to Hell. However, when Lilith attacks Sam, her powers are ineffective. He’s stronger than her powers because of the demon blood in his body, and Lilith retreats.

Season 4 opens with Dean being rescued from Hell by an angel, Castiel (because if you’re going to have demons, you have to have angels). We find out that Ruby has returned and has been coaching Sam, telling him to drink demon blood in order to be more powerful so he can defeat Lilith. The angels visit the boys, telling them that Lilith is working to break the seals to Lucifer’s Cage, and if she breaks 66 of them, the Devil walks free. By this point, you can see how it goes: the seals are broken — the first by Dean when he was in Hell, the last by Sam after Ruby betrayed him; Ruby had been working for Lilith all along, and the last seal to be broken was Lilith herself. (Ruby dies, too, which is good, because she was a bitch.)

Once Lucifer goes free, the boys find out their real purpose in life. They were born to be the human embodiments, or vessels, of Lucifer and Michael, so that the two brothers, the devoted and the rebellious, would have their final battle: The Apocalypse. A lot of archangels make appearances in this fifth season, with the best reveal being that The Trickster is actually Archangel Gabriel. Even though Lucifer allegedly kills him (I refuse to accept that he’s actually dead), he was awesome from the start.

Anyway, in order to stop the Apocalypse from occurring, the boys collect the rings of the Four Horsemen (no easy task) in order to recreate Lucifer’s Cage and throw the Devil back into it, which can only happen if Sam allows Lucifer to be his vessel. Sam says “yes” in “Swan Song” and throws himself into the pit, ending season 5.

(Sidenote: The Winchesters have a half-brother, Adam, who is chosen to be Michael’s vessel after Dean takes too long to accept. Everyone forgets about him though. But if we think about it, he’s still in that cage … Yikes.)

After that, Supernatural didn’t have much else to build to. That’s not to say the last four seasons haven’t been good, but the creator of the show, Eric Kripke, left after season 5 and had pretty much wrapped everything up nicely. So the new heads of the show had to find a new end goal.

In the subsequent seasons, the demon Crowley, who is now King of Hell with Lucifer gone, brings Sam back without his soul because it’s too damaged from the Michael-versus-Lucifer cage match. Death returns Sam’s soul but puts up a wall in order to protect Sam, blocking his memories of Hell, and tells him, “Don’t scratch the wall.” (Yes, he scratches it and ends up in a psych ward with hallucinations of Lucifer tormenting him; Sam pretty much loses his mind.)

Castiel and the other angels are at war for control of Heaven. Cas looks like he may lose to Archangel Raphael (who is a huge dick but, then again, all the angels are), so he teams up with Crowley and taps into the souls in Purgatory. It’s a seemingly win-win situation: Cas gets control of the souls to win the war and becomes incredibly powerful, and then Crowley gets control of the souls and Purgatory, so he cements his place on top.

Things are never that simple, though. Cas fashions himself the new God, but the souls tear him apart. And he doesn’t just let loose souls from Purgatory; he lets out the Leviathan, an ancient species of monsters. Basically, season 7 is about Leviathan eating people, and that’s what they want: to eat everyone — not overly ambitious considering the Winchesters’ previous battles, but oh well. The Leviathan are pretty much impossible to kill, and their leader’s name is Dick Roman. The boys’ eventually find out how to kill the Leviathan with the help of a prophet, Kevin, who can read The Word of God, which is written on stone tablets that had been discovered by Dick (and, eventually, Crowley and Cas). Dean kills Dick in the season 7 finale with the Bone of a Righteous Mortal Washed in the Three Bloods of the Fallen (yes, those were really the instructions), and he and Cas get sent straight to Purgatory.

Dean escapes from Purgatory in the next season with a vampire pal, Benny, who’s not like the other vampires. They have a cute bromance, so, of course, Benny has to die a few episodes later. Cas is rescued by other angels, including Naomi, who is using prophets to try to seal off Hell so demons can never return. Castiel is controlled by Naomi, and he nearly beats Dean to death, but the De-stiel love keeps them strong, and when Cas touches the angel tablet in Dean’s possession, he’s back to his normal self. Cas teams up with Metatron, the Scribe of God, who then betrays Cas (big surprise) and throws all the angels out of Heaven. (I’ll say it again: angels are dicks.)

Things with Sam and Dean are rough in the later seasons, mostly because they always lie to each other and are growing into different people. Sam thinks about himself most of the time and doesn’t act like much of a brother to Dean. Dean is more vicious after his time in Purgatory. Dean just wants to get things done so he can and Sam can be a happy family again, especially after his time-traveling grandfather, Henry Winchester, makes an unexpected appearance in the present day.

Henry wasn’t a hunter like his grandsons, but one of the Men of Letters, an order devoted to the study of anything supernatural and magical, allowing them to use magic to fight demons — like the one who followed Henry into the present day: Abaddon, a Knight of Hell. The Winchesters defeat Abaddon (momentarily, because they don’t have the equipment to kill a Knight of Hell yet) but at the cost of their grandfather’s life. In the process, however, the boys find a new home: the “Bat Cave” of the Men of Letters, home to stores of knowledge and, now, the Winchester boys.

The boys try to shut Hell off forever in season 8 by having Sam undergo three trials from the demon tablet, the last of which is curing a demon — that is, making him human again. They choose Crowley, but the final trial would cost Sam his life. Dean doesn’t want to let his brother go, so he stops Sam before he can complete the trail, right before the angels fall. However, it’s not in time to stop Sam from dying (again), so in the season 9, Dean allows an angel to possess Sam in order to heal him. Dean thinks it’s the angel Ezekiel, supposedly a good angel. However, we find out later that Ezekiel died in the fall, and it was really Gadreel, the angel who let the snake into the Garden of Eden, who possessed Sam.

The boys fight each other all throughout pretty much the entirety of season 9, while trying to figure out how to get the angels back in heaven and also fight Abaddon, who has come back from the “dead.” Dean and Crowley find the First Blade, the only known weapon that can kill a King of Hell. Dean takes possession of it and the power that comes with it by receiving the Mark of Cain (from the First Demon himself, Cain). However, the Mark is slowly killing Dean and changing him into something angry and violent. Dean kills Abaddon and then moves on to try to take out Metatron, but Sam, who’s been pulling away for the past few seasons — and saying that he would be OK if Dean died, because he has dealt with it before — nonetheless fears for his brother’s life.

Dean is killed in the fight with Metatron, and Sam is a wreck. (I’m actually tearing up right now as I think back on this story arc, so I need to end this quickly.) Sam gathers what he needs to summon Crowley to make a deal and get his brother back. You see, Sam lied: he’s not okay, he needs his brother. But Crowley knows something everyone else doesn’t (per usual). Crowley speaks to the “dead” Dean on the bed at the end the season 9 finale, and we see what the last few seasons have been building to. Both brothers have died many times and have seen Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. They’ve been possessed, by both angels and demons, but this is a new frontier for the boys, and now we’ll see how their story ends.

Crowley: “Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me, as I speak. Make a deal. Bring you back. It’s exactly what I was talking about, isn’t it? It’s all become so … expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you take on the Mark of Cain, I didn’t know that this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That’s important. It’s fundamental. But … there is one story about Cain that I might have … forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death rather than become the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So he took his own life with the Blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the Mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn’t until you summoned me … no it wasn’t truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten, that I began to let myself believe maybe miracles do come true. Listen to me, Dean Winchester. What you’re feeling right now — it’s not death. It’s life — a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And let’s go take a howl at that moon.”

(Dean’s eyes open, and they’re black.)

It’s all been building up to this. The mighty Winchesters are now split by more than growing apart. One is now demon, one human. Can family really triumph over distances that great? We’ll have to find out if the brothers can truly bring each other back from any hell they face.

Now let’s see what Demon Dean and the next chapter of Supernatural have in store for us! Make sure you watch the season 10 premiere at 9 p.m. EDT/PDT, tonight on The CW.