Does anyone really enjoy Valentine’s Day? Sure, you may think you do, and you may remember some amazing moments in the past, but did any one of those moments surpass your hopes?

If you answered yes, then you are certainly in the minority, because despite what we all want to believe, very few people — married, dating, or single — end up happy at the end of February 14.

Let’s start with the obvious. Single people hate Valentine’s Day. This day that is supposed to be celebrating the martyrdom of a Catholic Saint has turned into a greeting card holiday about expressing your undying love for that “one person” in your life. To single folks, that means a stark reminder once a year that you are alone and no one loves you. Great.

Single Valentine’s Days are the worst. If you are recently single, the day reminds you of your lost opportunities. You sit alone, watching you ex’s favorite romantic comedy, eating Ben and Jerry’s, wondering what you could have done better.

If you’ve been single for a while, like I have, you spend the entire day trying to figure out how your life got so sad that you spend your nights watching anime, hoping the kung fu god and the demon-hunting vampire will finally get together. You are left with a crushing feeling of emptiness as you wonder what it is about you that just is not good enough, while you know that plenty of the worst kinds of people are out for steak dinners and wine.

This feeling of self-doubt is usually a bogus one, too. If you love who you are and where you are in life, why does it matter if no one else sees what makes you great?

People often tell me that I need to lower my standards. Why? I’m not looking for a rocket scientist/supermodel with an encyclopedic knowledge of Batman stories. But what is so wrong with wanting a person who understands me and accepts me and is attractive to me? We should not have to settle for somebody who doesn’t make us happy.

So, if you are spending Valentine’s Day alone, drinking Captain Morgan and watching Clerks 2, just remember that it’s better than being out with someone you don’t like, trying desperately to make him or her happy, even though you know deep in your heart that you just don’t care.

I have been single for the past four Valentine’s Days. Obviously, that must say something about me. I get it. I can be pretty abrasive and very self-assured. But that certainly wasn’t always the case.

There was a time when my smugness was just an outer shell, and I was looking for someone with whom I could share the world. Valentine’s Day was the day every year when all I wanted was to be with someone and to show her how much I cared. Of course, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would I want to be with someone just so I could tell her how much she mattered on one particular day each year? Doesn’t it make more sense to actually fall in love with someone and spend a day of your choosing devoted to showing that person how special he or she is to you? Valentine’s Day acts as a constraint for some relationships in order to fulfill some false sense of what should be.

And then there are the couples. While I’m sure millions of couples have sweet Valentine’s dates with each other, how many of those dates have at least one person wondering, “Is this it?” Do these sweet dates of restaurants and movies ever truly measure up to what we expect when February 14 rolls around?

One of the few times I was actually in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, my then-girlfriend asked me what I wanted for the holiday. I, of course, trying to be sweet, answered that all I wanted was time with her. My girlfriend, sarcastic human being that she is, got me a clock and a picture of her. Time. With her. Just what I asked for.

It was brilliant. It was funny. It was completely clever and I was so frustrated by it. Not because I wanted a gift or because I didn’t laugh, but because I actually just wanted to spend time with this girl. Unfortunately, we were busy people and we really were unable to spend any time together for the holiday, so I spent the day angry.

A lot of people share stories of disappointment with Cupid’s favorite day. The problem is that we all have ridiculous hopes for what is supposed to happen, our realities shattered by John Hughes movies and every season finale of Glee. Even those among us who know not to expect much will still hold out hope that, somehow, things will change and our own romantic comedy will begin.

For those of you who are married, I first offer my respect. Marriage is difficult and requires a lot of sacrifice. But for wedded couples who are in a rut, Valentine’s Day is a painful reminder of a love whose romance has waned after years of living together, paying bills and raising kids. Sure, there are always exceptions, but I have to believe they are rare.

Marriage is obviously a different animal than young love. Marriage, when done right, is an evolving love, uniting two partners whose shared experiences will forever bind them even if their romantic feelings fade into oblivion. And for 364 days a year, that evolving love is enough. However, Valentine’s Day is the one day each year when even the happiest couples are left wanting more. They want to have a romantic dinner and a memorable night ending with fireworks and lovemaking like neither has never experienced. That won’t happen. That doesn’t happen.

In theory, Valentine’s Day is a wonderful thing. We should take a moment to tell our significant others how much we love them. Perhaps designating one day a year to this task is helpful for the aloof among us.

The problem with this holiday is only in the heightened expectations, driven by works of fiction, that destroy the beauty of those true moments of actual love between two individuals. We see so many last-minute confessions and public displays of affection that simply lying on a couch holding each other is not enough on the most romantic holiday of the year. And those of us who spend the day alone just wish we had someone to hold.

If you have someone to spend Valentine’s Day with this year, I hope you enjoy yourself. Treat each other well, and make sure you remember that this is the real world and not a Nicholas Sparks novel. Love each other for who you are, not what you want your partner to be.

Those of us who are likely to spend the day alone will be sad. But don’t worry about us. There’s always Netflix.